Guide to Throwing Shit at Morons:
Written By: Joe
Date Written: 05.14.05
Last Updated: 02.19.06
Reason for Update: New Formatting.
I thought I'd start this by saying that here at We Are The Mainstream, your opinion is not respected, and if you send hate mail, you're likely just to get ass reemed about it. So don't send me hate mail about how you respect my opinion but— or anything. It's also likely that I would use this guide on you if I saw you walking down the street.
Now with all that said, I bring you the guide to thowing shit out of your car at people walking down the street.
Ok, let's say you are driving down a side street and you're moving relatively slow, and you aren't exactly prepared for anything here and you see a juggalo: What do you do? Look around quickly for anything you don't need THAT bad. A good thing is an extra shoe, brick, can of soda, frisbee or can of food. Who knows? You might just have a wrench laying around. If you have none of that right on hand, grab ANYTHING and don't think about the consequences.
Lets analyze what you could use and why they are good.
—An extra shoe:
I know these aren't exactly always in your car, but who knows?
Strong Points: Getting hit by a shoe would not only hurt pretty damn bad from a moving car, but they aren't THAT expensive at thrift stores if you needed what you threw. That's also consitering you aren't some picky asshat who needs expensive ass Nikes.
Weak Points: This isn't THAT good for inflicting serious injury if that's what you're going for. It also can get caught by the wind pretty easy.
—A Brick:
Unless you're coming from a hardware store, or are just a plain hardass, you probably wont have a brick on hand. But if you do, this is a good thing.
Strong Points: It's a fucking brick.
Weak Points: You'll have to be really strong or in close range to actually hit someone with this.
—Can of Soda:
It's pretty likely you have a can of soda in your car while driving. It's worth wasting 12 ounces of poison to clobber a moron right? Right.
Strong Points: It would hurt like a bitch. It may explode getting the person sticky, and no one wants that.
Weak Points: I can't really think of any except it wouldn't seriously hurt a juggalo.
—Frisbee:
This wouldn't hurt too bad but it would be fucking hilarious.
Strong Points: You can get the cheap ones for well... really cheap. It would be fucking great to hit a moron in the back of the head with one.
Weak Points: Wouldn't hurt them that much, but it would however hurt their character.
—Can of Food:
This is a nice choice for many reasons, you might have one in a lot more situations than you would think.
Strong Points: It would fuck you up nice, and woudn't be as hard to throw as a brick.
Weak Points: I'm not sure of any.
Rocks: Rocks are easy to find, they hurt and are for the most part free.
Strong Points: Just look at the description.
Weak Points: I'm not sure of any.
—ANYTHING!
Anything is good because this could be a lit cigarette, sack of potatoes, the car ashtray, a handful of pennies or whatever. This allows me to be lazy and lets you get creative.
Now you know what to do, go find some morons and hit them with shit!
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